


Bless My Darkness

by Sam-Writes (Oh_DAMNeron)



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everyone Is a Bit Fucked Up, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt Billy Hargrove, Hurt/Comfort, Insomniac Steve Harrington, M/M, Possible Harringrove but I'll see how I feel, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-25 19:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19752415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oh_DAMNeron/pseuds/Sam-Writes
Summary: STRANGER THINGS SEASON 3 SPOILERS APPLY----------A Stranger Things Season 3 fix-it-fic where one small event was moved forward in time and two characters survived.----------Billy Hargrove survives the Mind Flayer and is desperately trying to regain his sense of self after such a traumatic event.----------Work title is a lyric from Stomach It by Crywolf (Feat. EDEN)





	1. Chapter 1

Eleven's fingers brushed his jawbone before her hand came to a rest on his cheek. What was left of Billy was fighting to come forth and take hold of his body again. The mall was filled with sparks in a myriad of colours that were left behind by the fireworks that exploded in a thunderous cacophony. Billy's clouded, ever-staring eyes seemed to clear ever slightly as tears welled up. He leant into her touch, trying to let her know that he's still in there, closing his eyes and feeling a single tear fall. A glimpse at his remaining humanity.  
It took all his will power and concentration to clear himself of the Mind Flayer and regain control. Eventually the black veins that twisted and curled under his skin faded away and his eyes slowly opened.  
All his senses had previously felt like they had been distorted. It had sounded like he had had cotton balls blocking his ear canals but now he could finally hear again. What he heard was the deafening roar of the monster and the cracking of fireworks exploding overhear.  
With one last looks at Eleven, a silent thank you, he stood up and faced the beast. His mind was running faster than a mile a minute, questioning his actions but knowing it was the right thing to do. He had to save this girl at any cost.  
_Any_ cost.

Miles underground Chief Jim Hopper was face to face with the mysterious Russian assassin who had been following him since he had started the case. They had fought across the catwalk next to the huge machine that seemed to be reopening the Gate. Hopper swayed for just a fraction of a moment after landing a blow, before lunging forward and grabbing the injured Russian by the back of his jacket.  
"I'll see you in hell!" He shouted over the drumming and zapping of the machine before hoisting him backwards and into the spinning rotors that almost immediately tore him apart.  
Hopper, without missing a beat, ran to join Joyce in the control room. He had to jump the railing to dodge the electricity that would have obliterated him. He managed to climb back.up on the other side and make it to Joyce in record breaking time.  
Dustin Henderson shouted over the radio to "Close it now! Close it!"

The beast projected it's gorey mouth at Eleven but instead of making contact as it had intended, Billy had intercepted and was holding it back. His screams filled the room as he struggled to keep his footing. _Plant your feet, save the girl_ , were the only words running through his mind. Several more of its toothy mouthes converged on him and, one by one, buried themselves in his flesh around his abdomen. He screamed and his grip on the mouth went lax. He couldn't keep himself up any longer. His legs gave in and he collapsed onto his knees. He stayed there in agony. He stared at the beast and screamed at it, taunting it to finish him.  
He heard Max's shrill cry behind him as the beast leant in close.

Hopper and Joyce turned the keys simultaneously and the machine in front of them started to make horrible sounds as parts flew off and other sections exploded. Four scientists that were standing too close were rendered to dust as they got hit but a wave of electricity.

The mouths that had dug into Billy shrivelled in on themselves and bent at every angle. They tore at his skin as they were yanked away. The gorey beast stumbled back and fell, convulsing and twitching as it lost connection to the mind flayer in the upside down.  
Billy fell to the floor. Max was quickly on him, scared eyes meeting his gaze before quickly assessing how badly he had been torn up.  
"Billy! Oh god, Billy! Stay with me, please!" She cried for someone to help, anyone.  
"I'm sorry..." Billy sputtered and blood was forming a stream down his cheek.  
Everyone was quickly following behind, Nancy Wheeler was one of the first to be there. She held a gun directly at his head but hesitated to pull the trigger. Billy's frightened eyes wavered on the gun then back to Nancy, he didn't survive being possessed and the main chess piece for the Beast only to wind up getting shot by Steve Harrington's ex. Max screamed at her and Lucas knocked it out of her hands. Billy felt his head fall back onto the tiles and his vision was fading in and out.  
"Please stay with us Billy! You'll be okay!" Max was pleading. Crying and shaking Billy's shoulders, trying to keep him awake.  
"Get him up! He needs a hospital or an ambulance!" Steve and Robin were heaving a gasping Billy to his feet. Billy grunted at they put his arms around their shoulders and he tried to take a step.  
Mike and Lucas were quickly behind them, carrying Eleven. Will trailed back with Nancy and Jonathan and tried to find a working phone to call for an ambulance. Max was with Robin and Steve, worriedly watching as Billy struggled to walk.

Sirens were blaring and ambulances were a blur to Billy as the drove into view. He cried out as he stumbled down the curb onto the parking lot and his bleary eyes found the familiar shape of his Camaro, busted up and bent. He felt rage simmer deep down but he was so depleted of energy to do anything about it. Steve and Robin set him down on the curb as paramedics raced over to him, wheeling a gurney quickly over the asphalt. He finally lost consciousness as he was lifted onto the gurney and an oxygen mask was placed over his mouth and nose.  
He breathed because that was all he knew to do.

Hopper, Joyce and Murray awkwardly followed soldiers to where the mall was burning. Fire engines were scattered around the parking lot along with occupied ambulances and army vehicles. Helicopters flew overhead, their spotlights on and shining supposedly aimlessly over the mall. Hopper's gaze searched the ambulances frantically until he found his daughter.  
El limped as fast as she could over to the chief, who met her as far as her leg could take her. He fell to his knees as she cried out in relief. They clung to one another. Hopper let out a wet laugh that was a mix between relief and sadness. Soon El was laughing and they were both getting soaked by the rain fall, but they didn't care. They had survived.

Billy Hargrove was admitted to the hospital at 11:07pm. Rushed into the operating room where he was put under a local anaesthesia and he had what physical remnants of the beast that had been left in his wounds removed. They pulled small and sharp bones and numerous rotting teeth before stitching the wounds together and dressing them.  
He awoke two hours later in a private hospital room. He groaned loudly as he shifted uncomfortably in place, his bandages feeling too tight. Max, who had been asleep at the end of his bed, her hand heavy on his leg, immediately looked up after feeling his movement.  
"Billy!" She pulled her chair to the head of the bed and she grabbed his hand. "You're okay..." She breathed out a deep sigh, feeling herself tear up again, this time in relief.  
He watched her, biting his lip nervously. She seemed to be happy to see him but Billy was slowly recalling all that he'd done.  
He clenched his eyes shut as memories began to form. She squeezed his hand and he dug his finger nails into her palm. His breathing was shallow and quick, he was in pain again.  
His nails drew blood. He didn't mean to, and she didn't care.  
"You're alright now..." She squeezed harder.  
It took some self control to open his eyes again and not let himself freefall into the abyss of depression and regrets. When he looked at her, his lashes were wet and tears slid down his cheeks.  
"I'm sorry..." He croaked as he sputtered, threatening to break down again.  
"Don't be sorry, you couldn't control it. It wasn't your fault." She seemed certain that what she was saying was true.  
Billy wasn't so convinced, but he didn't argue, not having the energy to talk.  
He rolled onto his side, which was surprisingly equally as comfortable (meaning not at all), and tightened his grip on Max's hand while his other hand grasped her wrist. He looked her in the eyes and managed to muster a small smile. She smiled back and brushed a curl from his face gently with her free hand. The small show of affection was enough to calm his racing mind.  
Soon Billy was falling back asleep, unable to keep his eyes open much longer. He was clinging to Max as his world became dark.

His sleep was filled with the beast and with people dissolving into sludge. He watched Max stare him in the eyes coldly before her skin began to melt away from her muscles and her bones began to drip. He heard voices in his head. Max, his father, Susan, Steve Harrington, Tommy H, Heather and more. All the voices were speaking in unison and saying one thing: _It's you're fault_.  
He woke up sweating profusely, which in and of itself made him panic. It felt like the Mind Flayer was still inside him and craving a cold climate. Logically he knew that it was gone but he couldn't believe it. He still felt an urge, a hidden force dragging him back to the warehouse. Scared, wide eyes darted across the room. He was certain something was there. Watching him; Calling him. But inevitably his eyes fell on the sleeping form of Max, curled up in her chair. Her arm was dangling off the armrest from where she had been holding Billy's hand. Panic still surged through him but knowing Max was okay made him feel better. He tried to steady his rushed breathing, focusing on her. He had done some horrible things to her but after all he had done -- after all he had _lost_ \-- he wanted to try and make it better. He'd been through hell, he thought the life He was living couldn't have gotten any worse but it had, and now he was free of it. He wanted to try. He furrowed his brows and squeezed his eyes shut again as the beast roared in the depths of his mind. Too much was going on in his head, he needed to calm down and shut it down.  
He couldn't sleep.

Billy was far from surprised when a rough looking Chief of police arrived the next day. What surprised him was that Steve Harrington, Robin and a few of the kids he seemed to endlessly babysit followed closely.  
He had been trying to work up the courage to talk to Max about everything before they came in. He had only been nervous on a few occasions outside of his father's abuse, but this was another added to the list. He didn't know where to start, what to say, what she'd say.  
It was a conversation that needed delicacy, and right now all he felt was raw, unprocessed emotions. It wasn't the right time.  
The doctor had led Hopper into the room, who removed his hat and took a seat in the spare chair on the other side of the bed.  
"We have to talk. About all of _that_." He gestured to the bandages around Billy's waist.  
Hopper was never one to be openly gentle, especially after he had had a tough night. He got straight to the point and he was blunt about what needed to be said. It's what made him such a great chief of police.  
Billy avoided eye contact. He didn't want to talk about it. He would be much happier if everyone imagined it didn't happen and he could go back to just being "Cool Guy, Billy" and not the horrid monster he was convinced he was.  
Billy tried to sit up in bed as Hopper began to question him. He didn't want to answer the questions. Preferred to keep his mouth shut and let everyone think he was just an asshole. Then Max's hand found his and he felt like maybe the world wouldn't burn up within the time span of this conversation.  
"Billy I need you to answer something. I get you've been through a lot but I have a town to keep safe and I can't do that if I don't know what happened on your end." The Chief was getting frustrated at the lack of answers.  
"Okay..." Billy mumbled, watching as Max tightened her grip on his hand reassuringly. "I'll try."  
Steve seemed to perk up at the sound of his voice but Billy didn't notice. Max was smiling, eyebrows pointing to the centre of her forehead, a pleased look on her face.  
"Alright, let's start again. How did this start?" Now that he knew he was going to receive an answer, he waited patiently.  
Billy's voice was quiet, afraid that if he talked too loudly all the events that had transpired over the last week would be set in stone and that maybe, just maybe, it hadn't actually happened.  
"I... crashed my car..." He desperately tried to keep the flashbacks at bay, he didn't want to have to relive that. "Near a warehouse. Something... grabbed me. Pulled me down to the basement. There was..." He had to stop short, feeling his breathing get shallow and quick. It was all too surreal again he was panicking.  
Hopper tilted his head and tried to catch Billy's eye. "What was it?"  
When Billy finally looked up at Hopper it was only for a moment before his hands flew to cover his red, wet face. "I've done horrible things." He almost whimpered.  
Max was quick to comfort him, cooing softly. Billy from last week would have hated that he was crying in front of Steve Harrington and a bunch of kids but this Billy didn't give a fuck. He was hurting, really badly.  
"It's alright, kid." Hopper placed a hand on the bed, close enough to be reassuring but not touching. Boundaries were good, he had learnt. _Three inches_.

It took a while for Billy to eventually look up. Eyes puffy and rubbed red raw, he finally looked around the room and see who was actually in there.  
Max was sat beside him, but he already knew that. Lucas was close to her side but standing back, eyeing Billy cautiously. Billy wasn't sure how to feel about him yet. The chief was in a chair on the other side of the bed. Joyce Byers stood by the door with Dustin. Steve and Robin were hanging by the wall, looking equally worried. Billy's gaze lingered on the Scoops Ahoy employees because he _knew_ them. He had had classes with them. He had hurt them.  
He felt bad again and dropped his gaze.  
He hated feeling like this. Like everything he did was wrong and he was being openly judged. He'd gotten enough of that from his father that he hoped he could escape it when he was outside of the house. He hated being interrogated. He knew that isn't what this is, that Hopper just needed to know what happened and was simply asking questions that Billy had the answers to. Yet his chest felt taut like a rubber band and that it was going to snap at any given moment. He was finding it hard to breathe again.  
"Maybe we should give him some time to actually process everything that's happened." Joyce offered, looking at Hopper worriedly.  
Hopper sat back in the chair, grumbling a "Maybe." Before standing and walking over to Joyce.  
Billy was sitting cross-legged on the bed under the thin hospital sheets, watching as people rearranged themselves around the room. He looked like a small kid again. He _felt_ like a small kid again. He had stopped crying. He'd stopped thinking at this point. It was better that way. He didn't want to think about anything because he knew that it would all go back to the Mind Flayer eventually.  
Joyce put a hand on Hoppers elbow and directed him out of the room. Dustin and Lucas followed along with Robin. Steve told her to meet him outside and that he wanted to talk to Billy.  
He awkwardly took a step towards Billy before stopping and reconsidering what he was doing. He figured it was the right thing to do and walked over to the bed.  
"Uh... Hey, Hargrove. Look I-"  
"I don't want your pity." Billy cut him off, wanting to shut off this awkward conversation as quickly as possible.  
"Yeah well you're going to get it. Believe me I understand, it's scary to be thrust into this shitty situation. All of what's going on in this fucked up town is terrifying. You should have stayed in sunny California. But you're here and now you're in the centre of all this. I get it, I've been in the same situation just less... Traumatic I guess. I know you hate my guts but if you want to talk about anything, I'm here. Sorta like shared trauma and all that." He turned on his heels and started to leave quickly. But not quick enough as Billy found his voice.  
"Steve." It caught him off guard to hear Billy say his first name and not his last or in a mocking tone.  
Steve turned to face him, fully expecting another punch to the face or a mean, snide remark.  
"Thank you." He looked him directly in the eyes, his tone was sincere and he damn well meant what he said.  
Steve was shocked into speechlessness, but managed to nod his head and leave the room without making it any more awkward.  
Billy looked over at Max who was gaping in shock. She had firsthand experience with what can happen when that tense energy between them had snapped before and how the events could transpire into a fist fight like it had before. She nodded slowly as she realised that their interaction wasn't negative for once. Billy raised his eyebrows at her and Max let out a short airy laugh through her nose. 

Billy Hargrove was okay. He was healing in the Hawkins hospital with his sister, almost unbelievably, by his side. He still felt raw and broken but something told him that he would change for the better.  
It's a reality that things always break. But that doesn't mean they can't be fixed with some care and effort.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billy finally leaves the hospital and finds refuge in the most unlikely of people.

It was cold.  
He was lost.  
He was _scared_.  
Billy was running. Feet thudding on the asphalt as loudly and just as fast as his heart was thumping in his chest. He didn't know these roads. Everything was unfamiliar. Power poles and electrical wires ran parallel with the roads. A storm brewed and thunder roared. Rain threatened to fall and wash him away in a flood.  
He was being chased. Or he thought he was.  
Footsteps had been following him but he couldn't see the source of them. They had slowly faded out as he got further away. Running down the seemingly endless road that turned and curled back in on itself.  
Eventually there was a person standing in the middle of the road, facing away from him.  
"Oh thank god... Hey!" He was out of breath, slowing down as he came closer. But as he got near he started to take in who the person was.  
A man with a leather jacket that was set neatly on his broad shoulders. His hair fell into a mullet of messy curls.  
A dull ringing that had always seemed to be present, slowly became louder.  
Billy stopped abruptly a few feet away. "No... Not you again."  
The man, the perfect clone of Billy, didn't seem to notice him. Not yet. The footsteps were now coming from all directions. Ambushing him, trapping him. The ringing got louder and louder.  
Billy was frightened. He wanted to fight but he was frozen.  
Then, the footsteps stopped in a final unison stomp. The ringing reached its crescendo as the clone of Billy snapped his head to glare at Billy, directly in the eyes. Cold, staring, dead. The world was silent. For a fraction of a second the world was still, no wind, no movement, nothing.  
Then they were surrounding him, moving fast, on-top of him, he couldn't breathe.

He was pulled from his nightmare by a firm hand shaking his shoulder. He jumped and was swinging his arms at the person. He kicked the sheets off and his feet were hitting the ground heavily, quickly assuming a fighting stance. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins as his eyes adjusted to the dark.  
"Billy, holy shit calm down! It's just me! It's Max! You're safe." She had her hands up, palms facing him, defensive.  
He had been breathing so fast that his mouth was dry. He swallowed thickly and slowly tried to relax. His hand found its way to his bandaged side, clutching at a wound that was currently throbbing. He was in pain again and worried he had reopened something.  
"You were freaking out. I assumed a bad dream?" Max asked. Billy was glad she didn't really expect him to talk all that much or make a start to the conversation.  
He nodded. "Yeah... I'm sorry." He took a step closer to the bed, not realising how far he had gone.  
Max was sitting back on her spare bed that the nurse had bought in the moment he realised that Max wasn't going to leave. "It's alright. It'd be concerning if you weren't having nightmares."  
Billy rose his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side in a 'fair enough' gesture, then quietly got back into bed. He took a while to find a comfortable position (there wasn't one when your entire abdomen was covered in stitches that pulled at every slight stretch or movement) and found himself staring at the ceiling in the dark room. Max was still breathing lightly and he knew she was still awake.  
"Hey Max?" His voice was barely audible, the slightest breeze or a drop of a pin would have drowned him out.  
"Mm?" He heard her roll over to face him.  
"Are you okay?" He had realised that everyone was focussed on him and no one was worried about Max. She'd been through so much as well. Within that moment, it seemed unfair.  
"Yeah I'm fine. Still a bit shaken up over all this but, really, we should all be looking after you." Her voice was steady and he didn't know whether or not to believe her.  
"People keep telling me that," he mumbled. There was a long silence before he continued on, "We can't go home."  
She hummed lowly in agreement. "We have no where to go though. I doubt we have enough money to get a motel room for even a week."  
He nodded slowly even though Max couldn't see him in the dark. "Maybe we could crash at someones place. I'll ask around."  
And with that the conversation was dropped. They both knew how bad back at their house would be. Max had had to go back momentarily to retrieve some of Billy's things - his wallet, a clean set of clothes, his getaway backpack he always kept far under his bed. Neil had been on her the moment he heard noise. Interrogating her about everything; where she'd been, where Billy was, what had happened. She'd answered with some absolute bullshit. That she'd been over at a friend's house and that Billy had been with a girl. She didn't know how to tell him what happened because nothing seemed to be a good enough lie for "A giant monster, made of people, brain washed Billy into doing it's bidding and then attacked a few teenagers at the mall."  
She'd managed to escape through the window when her mother came to see what all the yelling was about and distracted Neil for a split second.  
She'd come back to the hospital shaking and Billy was on edge the rest of the day. He didn't have any emergency contacts set up with the Hawkins hospital and he had asked Hopper to keep it on the down low so his father didn't know he was there. His father was simultaneously the least of his worries right now and the thing that he worried most about. The worry would kill him one day.  
He found to very hard to go back to sleep, the remnants of the dream haunting him even while he was awake. Max found his hand and held it tight. He didn't sleep, but he didn't feel so bad.  
He was grateful for having Max.

He had been in the hospital for only a few days before they allowed him to leave. Billy was getting restless staying in the same white room with the small window for days on end. He needed to roam. So they let him go. The doctor's had advised loose clothing from here on out while he was still healing and to avoid any physical activity for a few weeks. So he pulled on some drawstring shorts and a loose tee shirt to cover his bandages.  
The chief was notified and he had told the doctor's to get Billy to go to the police station as soon as he was ready to really talk about what happened. Billy agreed, knowing that it would probably have to be soon.  
Max Mayfield and Billy Hargrove left the hospital together, covered in band-aids and bandages. Max had Billy's backpack slung over her shoulder and they set off to try and score a place to stay.  
Billy was convinced that it was better to leave and risk sleeping on the streets than continue wasting Hopper's money as he played for the medical bills. Hopper knew they didn't have enough money so he had offered to pay and Billy thanked him greatly.  
That being said, Billy didn't want to take up any more of the Chief's resources and decided to cross him off the list of possible places to stay. There were only a few people who would even consider letting them stay and not just send them away immediately. So he began to walk in the direction of the one who he thought would give them the best chance of success.

Steve Harrington was not expecting the knock on his door.  
His parents were out on a business trip and wouldn't be home for a couple weeks or so, but that wasn't new. They left all the time, he was more used to people not being around nowadays. He wasn't sure who would be at his door at this time.  
Steve Harrington was not expecting Billy Hargrove to knock on his door.  
"Hey Hargrove? You're out of the hospital already?" Steve was shocked for a moment but he brushed it off quickly. He was still nervous around Billy after their horrible track record but he tried to play it cool, "What's going on?"  
Billy sucked at the insides of his cheeks, gently grinding the flats of his teeth over the soft skin. He was making this too awkward, _just fucking ask_.  
"Yeah hey, look, this is going to be weird but we need a place to crash." Straight to the point but probably too blunt.  
Steve tilted his head, "What happened to your pla-?" He asked but Max quickly and violently shook her head at him, glaring. He watched her, deciding it was better to not question it. He made a mental note to ask her about it later before quickly recovering his sentence. "Yeah, sure, come in guys." He stepped aside and waved his arm towards the interior of the house.   
Steve led them to the lounge room. Billy groaned. He'd been walking for too long and the pain in his side's was agonising. He didn't realise how short of breath he was until he had stopped moving and was sitting uncomfortably on what should have been a very comfortable lounge.  
"We've got a couple spare rooms up stairs where you can crash, I'm not sure my parents will let you stay once they get back. But you've got plenty time since they'll be away for a while." He awkwardly kicked at the edge of the rug avoiding eye contact.  
Billy released a worried breath. "Thanks, that helps a lot." He would have smiled at Steve but he wasn't looking.  
Steve glanced at the clock on the wall, lunch was soon. "Hey do you guys want something to eat?"  
Max perked up and Billy's facade softened, even if it was only for a brief moment.

They had settled into their respective rooms after eating lunch - sandwiches provided by Steve. Billy was sitting on the edge of the bed, his mind speeding through all the ways that staying here could backfire on him. He put his head in his hands, rubbing his palms into his eyes before taking his fingers across his scalp as he ran his hands through his hair. He still felt like he wasn't in full control of his body. He wondered if that would every actually go away.  
"Fuck..." He muttered.

Steve was downstairs with Max, they were talking about everything that happened. Going over their losses. Max was talking about visiting the party and touching base on everything when she noticed Steve go distant.  
"Hey, you alright?" She nudged him.  
Max was very fond of Steve ever since the whole Demadog situation. He had almost sacrificed himself when the Demadog was about to enter the bus. After seeing Billy beat him up, she had wanted to make sure it never happened again. Now here she was, at the Harrington House with Billy.  
"I just... I want to know why you can't go home?" He looked at her like he knew he said something wrong and it was too late to take it back, but he didn't care. He wanted to know.  
Max pursed her lips for a moment, "I feel like that's something you should ask Billy but I know he won't tell you the truth. He's built up one hell of a wall that's not easily broken down."  
Steve watched as Max's mind ticked over, debating what to tell him.  
"Look, all I'll tell you is this. Billy's dad... He... Abuses him. It gets really rough. We can't go back."  
Steve was in a shocked silence, mouth agape. He nodded slowly as he dropped his gaze to the floor and furrowed his eyebrows.  
"And I thought I had family problems..." There was another moment of silence before Steve looked back at Max, "Thank you for telling me."

Steve had made dinner, Max had come back from the Wheeler's house, and Billy had come downstairs.  
He was sitting at the counter while Steve stirred something that smelled good on the stove. Billy trailed his fingers absent-mindedly along the lump that the stitches formed underneath his bandages. It stung a little but he didn't mind.  
He was distracted, thinking about the Mind Flayer and what it had done to him. Thoughts began to turn into memories and flashbacks and quickly he watch clutching his side. It was all too much and his breathing picked up. Loudly heaving for air through a tight chest.  
Steve noticed.  
"Hargrove? You okay over there?" Steve looked over his shoulder to see Billy, wide eyed and shaking, staring at the counter. He was frozen in place and seemingly stuck in a bad memory.  
Steve dropped his wooden spoon and ran to the counter.  
"Billy?" Knowing he'd regret it, he reached out and lightly touched Billy's shoulder.  
Billy violently swung at him and kicked at the counter, sending himself flying off of the stool and hitting the tiles with a thud and a shout of pain as he landed on his stitches. The wooden stool clattered to the ground as Billy shuffled backwards, feeling like someone was gaining on him, before he finally harshly came back to reality and took in his surroundings.  
Steve watched, scared. Billy's damp eyes found Steve's and he tried to breathe normally. Steve's worried expressions grounding him in the oddest of ways.  
Steve stepped forward and held out his hand to help Billy up. He was hit with a wave of deja vu from their basketball game, but took the hand and Steve pulled him up.  
"Are you alright?" He asked, giving Billy his space by stepping back.  
Billy felt small again. He pulled his elbows in close to him as he tugged at his hair, the heels of his palms digging into his eyes.  
"No." He muttered, half hoping Steve didn't hear him.  
"Let's eat." Steve said moving away to get three bowls from the cupboard.  
"Yeah..." Billy righted the stool.  
He took a deep breath. He absolutely hated how this all affected him. How he was scared all the time, worried that the Mind Flayer hadn't truely left. But it's not like he could talk about it without seeming crazy. So he suffered in silence, not realising there were people who could help. Who he can in fact talk to.  
It would take time for him to realise.

Steve served the food, spaghetti Bolognese - he said it was one of the few actual meals he knew how to cook - and the three of them sat down at the table.  
Billy would never admit that it was the best meal he had had in a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of this is probably horribly ooc, but I don't care. I want my boys to be happy and if that has to be ooc, so be it.


	3. Chapter 3

As the house's wiring inevitably aged and loosened, the lights would flicker as they tried to come to life.  
Steve never got used to it after what happened.  
He knew that it was just dodgy wiring but he still felt like the Demagorgon wasn't really dead. That all those things that came for them were still there, hidden around the corner and waiting for the right time to attack.  
Steve had been constantly looking over his shoulder since the first encounter.  
He didn't want to admit it but he was glad to have someone in the house with him. Despite the horrible circumstances, it put his mind slightly at ease. With how often his parents were gone, he didn't get a lot of ease. 

It was 2:28 am and Steve was still awake.  
He didn't sleep much these days.  
Staring at the ceiling with heavy eyes, he knew it would be another good hour or two before he could actually fall sleep. He only ever fell asleep from the sheer exhaustion that came from spending over thirty hours awake.  
He pursed his lips and, after a moment of quick deliberation, kicked off his sheets and stumbled out of bed.  
He yawned widely and rubbed his palm deep into his eye. God he was tired. He staggered down the stairs, almost tripping over the last one. He didn't bother with the lights, he'd rather it stay a secret that he was awake at this hour. He pulled a glass from the overhead cupboard and flicked on the tap, filling it with water. Turning around he faced the open and dark kitchen. Crossing his arms over his chest, he hooked one foot around the ankle on his other leg and took a swig from the glass.  
He stared out the big glass windows that lined the back door, staring past the pool and into the woods. He was fully expecting something to move within the darkness. To charge at the house. The memory of the smell of blood and gasoline was prominent once again and he was holding his breath.  
He clenched his fist around the cold glass and downed the rest of the water before sliding it onto the bench and averting his eyes from the woods. 

"Steve? Is that you?" A small voice broke the silence and Steve looked up to see the silhouette of Billy standing awkwardly by the kitchen door.  
Steve breathed out deeply before pushing off the bench. "Yeah, it's me. What are you doing up?"  
Billy flicked the kitchen light on and it flickered into life, but he didn't miss how Steve flinched and stared at it before he quickly looking back at Billy. He thought best not to ask about it.  
Billy had the worst bed hair. It stuck up in every direction and obscured his vision yet he couldn't be bothered to fix it. He was far from caring.  
"Nightmares..." He seemed embarrassed to even say the word. "What are you doing up?" He quickly added, trying to take the attention off of himself.  
Steve hesitated, still feeling cautious around Billy. He had to remind himself that he had let him into his house and let him stay. He had full control over the situation and could make him leave if he tried anything, but for some reason Steve felt that he wouldn't try to start anything. He was scared, and fear does weird things to people.  
"I don't really sleep much." He muttered, chewing at the inside of his cheek absent-mindedly and avoiding eye contacting.  
Billy watched him for a moment, his lips parted like he was about to say something before he looked away.  
"You have your own pool? I guess that's why I never saw you at work." Billy was just searching for things to say. Trying to make this whole scenario less awkward.  
Steve put his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants and kept his eyes down at the tiles. "Nah, I was just avoiding you."  
After a moment of silence Steve looked back up at Billy who had his eyebrows furrowed and his head tilted slightly.  
"I was joking." Steve cleared up.  
Billy's features softened, "Oh." He bit his lip for a moment, "Even if you weren't joking I deserved it."  
He searched Billy's eyes, trying to figure out his expression. How he felt. Billy knew how to put up a wall and keep his expression guarded and private. Steve was at a loss with if he was genuine or joking along. Billy scratched at his messy of curls at the top of his head. He walked over to the window and then back to the door. Then back to the window and back to the door. Pacing back and forth, his side's aching but he didn't mind.  
Steve watched him for a long time, feeling like he should just let Billy wear himself out. That's until it started to get annoying.  
"Billy, stop." He stood in Billy's path. "Go sit down. You're still all torn up and healing. You shouldn't even be out of bed let alone the hospital."  
Billy's eyes searched Steve's but only found what he could interoperate as real worry and sincerity. He furrowed his brows once again. He beat this dude up? Why was he caring for him all of a sudden.  
Steve sighed, "C'mon, you're going back to bed." And he headed towards the stairs, not bothering to check if Billy was following as he saw the kitchen light go out and heard his footsteps on the tiles.  
Steve pushed the bedroom door further open once he got to it and gestured for Billy to enter. He followed behind him.  
Billy groaned as he sat down in the middle of the bed. He grabbed the edge of the mattress and squeezed it until it hurt his hands.  
"Are you alright, Hargrove?" Steve thought that maybe falling back into their old routine of exclusively using surnames might make this less awkward. He hoped.  
Billy just shook his head, hair falling into his face as he looked at the floor. "No... I keep seeing it, the shadow. I can still feel it. Like it's got a foot in the door and it's trying to pry it open. But I can't tell if this is real or not and it's driving me insane." Billy pulled at his hair with one hand. Tugging until it hurt.  
"I know something that might help but it'll have to wait until the morning." Billy looked up at Steve, eyes wide and wet. He was scared. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, annoyed he was even about to suggest this. "Look, I've been through learning about all of this stuff, I get how scary it is. If you want, I can stay here with you."  
"Nancy really did make you turn bitch, huh." Billy muttered before he could stop himself.  
"Is that a no?" Steve glared.  
"I... Uh... I didn't mean that, please stay." He muttered it fast and stumbled over his words.  
"Okay. I'll grab a pillow and sleep on the floor." Before Billy could object, Steve was gone. When he returned Billy hesitated to offer sharing the bed. He decided to let it go and let Steve sleep on the floor, telling himself that he wasn't a baby. He didn't need someone to mother him and tell him he'd be alright. He clenched his eyes shut, who's he kidding. That's exactly what he needs.  
"Night, Harrington." He rolled over in bed, stifling a grunt as he rolled onto his stitches.  
"Shut up, Hargrove." Steve was smiling and he was grateful it was dark.  
It was 3 am when Billy finally fell asleep. It took Steve another half hour to join him. Billy felt safer knowing that he wasn't in the big room alone. He felt guilty for making Steve sleep on the floor. 

When Billy woke up, Steve was gone. Any trace of him having stayed the night in the room was gone. He frowned looking at the clock that read 6:02 am, Steve really didn't sleep much.  
He found him downstairs, fishing a carton of juice out of the fridge. He was painted in the faint, pale blue light that was coming in though the window, the orange glow from the fridge contrasting the natural light. His hair was a mess and Billy hadn't expected to ever see Steve "The Hair" Harrington without his hair perfectly curated and styled. Yet here he was with his dumb face scrunched up as he sleepily tried to figure out who was standing at the door watching him.  
He eyed Billy for a moment, mind ticking over, before holding up the juice, "Want some?"  
He nodded and Steve grabbed another glass.  
They were sitting at the table, side by side, eating Steve's dumb oatmeal cereal when Max came down stairs. She stopped in her tracks when she saw them.  
"You two seem to be getting along?" She announced, wiggling a finger between the two of them.  
Billy felt the need to build his wall up a little further but his exhaustion stopped his thoughts before it got out of hand. So he settled on a grunt in response.  
Steve told her where the cereal and bowls were and Max got herself some breakfast.  
"Hey Max, is there a chance we could go see Will?" Steve rocked back onto the back legs of his chair and looked at Max.  
"Sure? He'd probably be home, after everything that happened I doubt Mrs Byers would let him out of her sight for too long. Why?" She set the bowl on the table and scooted her chair closer.  
"He's been through similar shit to Billy. I just want them to talk about it." Steve glanced over at Billy, who's eyes were trained at his bowl, swirling the contents slowly with his spoon, clearly dissociating.  
Max found Billy's foot underneath the table and nudged it. Billy's eyes shot up and he gave her a small flat smile, nudging her foot back gently.

The drive to the Byers' house seemed longer than normal. Steve was driving and Billy was in the passenger seat with Max in the back. Billy had his head against the window, jolting and bouncing with every bump, he was watching as the buildings and trees slowly fell away behind them.  
He remembered the house. He remembered waking up inside it after the fight with Steve. How scared and angry he had been. We was so frightened he had started to take after his father, abusive and controlling. He wanted to change. He wanted to get away. He should have gotten away before the summer. Taken his car and driven straight out of Hawkins. But instead he stayed. He cringed at the thought. So much had happened between now and then that that fight seemed stupid and meaningless.  
Steve parked the car close to the house. He looked over at Billy, who looked back expectantly.  
"You're going to find out some scary shit that you mightn't believe at first but it all really happened. So know that it's cool if you want to bail at any point. I'll drive you home." When Billy didn't answer, just dropped his gaze, Steve added, in a lower voice, "just trying to be considerate." And he got out of the car, quickly followed by Max, who had placed a reassuring hand on Billy's shoulder as she left.  
Steve knocked on the door, not expecting the immediate answer.  
"Mrs Byers, hey. Uh, is Will around?" Max poked her head out from behind Steve.  
Joyce looked over his shoulder at Billy who was standing by the car. He was hunched over slightly, still in pain.  
"Is something wrong?" She kept her eyes on Billy, cautious of him.  
"No! No. Everything is fine. We're just trying to give Hargrove some answers we don't have." He nodded his head back at Billy, "He needs to talk to Will about it. He should be able to answer his questions."  
She contemplated for a long while before pursuing her lips and nodding. "Okay. Will's having breakfast so he'll be at the table." She stepped aside and let Max in.  
Steve turned and Billy looked up at him. "C'mon Hargrove, this is all for you anyways."  
Billy trailed behind him, shrinking away from Joyce's judgmental glare.  
Steve ducked his head back around the door frame to Joyce, "One more thing, do you mind if I use your phone? I gotta make a call."  
She smiled at him, the loving, motherly smile he wishes he could get from his actual mother, "Of course, Steve."  
He smiled before finding Max talking to a surprised Will, asking him if he was willing to recount everything. Billy was hunched over, standing by the side. He was trying to be as small as possible, not wanting to draw attention to himself despite being the elephant in the room. Steve fished a slip of paper out of his pocket, a phone number was messily scrawled on it. He dialled it into the phone and listened to the rings.  
"Hey, it's Robin."  
Steve sighed, "Robin thank god. Hey it's Steve, I need your help."  
"Oh no. With what?" She sounded sceptical and Steve couldn't blame her.  
"Dealing with Billy Hargrove..." He dug his nails into the crown of his head. Billy looked over at him, frowning. Steve waved his hand dismissively at him.  
"What have you gotten yourself into now, Dingus? Where are you I'll be there as quick as I can." He heard movement on her end.  
He sighed again, bracing himself for her response, "Jonathan Byers' house."  
"What the fuck?"  
"Yeah I know, shut up. Please just get here, I need a friend." He gave her the address and she promised him she'd be there soon. He didn't doubt that and there was a knock on the door fifteen minutes later. Steve ran to open it.  
"Thank god you're here, we were going to start without you." He grabbed her wrist and dragged her in.  
"Start?" She was beyond confused. She saw Max and Will sitting on the couch and pointed at them "Hey it's some of your kids."  
"I know, Max and Billy are staying with me at my place and Will just lives here." He pushed her down into a chair.  
Her voice was quiet and she had a baffled look on her face. "What... They're staying with you?"  
She looked over to Billy, who held up his hand in a half-hearted wave. He was sitting backwards on a chair, half his face buried in his crossed arms on the back of the chair.  
"Everyone this is Robin, she's my friend, you might have seen her while we were fighting the meat monster. She's a bit out of the loop like Billy." He looked over at Max and Will, "I'd like to fill her in as well."  
She had her head tilted, her hair falling into her face and she blew it away. "What did I get myself into?"

And so Will began to retell everything, from the beginning. Joyce, Max, Jonathan (who had come back from a quick pitstop at the shops for more milk) and Steve chimed in where they could, telling the story from their perspectives or filling in blank spots.  
Robin was sitting back, eyebrows raised in disbelief. Nodding slowly as the events of last week got contextualised and made slightly more sense.  
Billy was chewing at the inside of his lip the entire time. By the end he was tasting the metallic sting of blood. He moved his eyes over to Steve, who was already watching him. Steve raised an eyebrow and Billy buried his face from view in his arms.  
"Hey Billy can I talk to you for a sec." Steve gestured for them to go outside and Billy was quickly up and leaving, weary of all the eyes on him.  
"That's... A lot." Billy muttered, running a hand through his unruly hair, scratching roughly at his scalp. He leaned heavily against the wall, his healing wounds aching dully  
"My offer still stands if you just want to go back to my place. You heard it all, so we don't have to stay." He crossed his arms over his chest.  
Billy leant over and looked through the window, seeing Will talking to Jonathan and Max, Joyce smiling at her boys. Robin looking like she was having an existential crisis on her own.  
"What about Max?" He asked before he could stop himself. Fuck, he really cared for that kid.  
"She can come with, or she can stay and I'll pick her up later. She's a big girl she can make her own decisions." He waved his hand for emphasis. "I'm gonna get Robin to come over, though. Seems like she needs to talk..." He eyed Billy. "And so do you, just not here I guess."  
Billy shook his head, "Not here."  
"Alright, go wait in the car and I'll grab Robin." Billy didn't need to be told twice, and he left for the passenger side of the car. 

Steve had apologised for leaving so suddenly but Joyce was fine with it. Max had decided to stay, she wanted to see her friend and it made sense. Steve had told Robin to follow them back to his house and she gladly did. 

The drive home was... Different, to say the least. Billy was now informed, he knew what Steve had gone through over the last year or two and suddenly felt like the world's biggest jackass for making it all worse. But he wouldn't admit that. He mentally added another layer to his wall.  
"What are you think about, Hargrove?" Steve kept his eyes trained on the road.  
"Too much." Was the answer he settled on.  
Steve nodded and made a face that could only resemble 'fair enough'. 

Billy traced his fingers along the edge of the bandage that was still wrapped tightly around his torso. It itched. He restrained from itching it but the urge stayed. He thought about what was underneath the stitches and his mind wandered back to the Mind Flayer and he recalled what Will had said about still having had remnants of the Mind Flayer in him and the feeling on the back of his neck.  
Billy wondered if he was in the same situation. He dreaded it. He wanted it to be over. He wanted to go back to being an unforgiving asshole who for some reason people adored.  
But now he knew. He could never go back to being like that because he knew the truth. He was one of the few that knew and he was one of the few that would have to stop it if this were to happen again. He didn't want this to happen to anyone else.  
He stopped his train of thought and decided to just take the days as they go. To heal and take care of himself, the few he cared about and the fewer that cared about him in return.  
Day by day, he decided as he finally relaxed his muscles, finding a comfortable position on the car seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shameless promo, but go follow me on Tumblr, @sam-writes ! I post more often over there and there's loads more Billy content including moodboards and art! 
> 
> This was sorta just a filler chapter, I needed to get Billy and Robin up to date with everything that happened to progress the story.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Comments are highly appreciated!


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